Disclaimer: I have written about most of this before, but it's what I've been thinking about. So, tough.
Usually when thinking about my future, I think about it in terms of jobs. What do I want to be when I grow up? The next thought is always one of confusion. Of not knowing which love to pursue - cooking or writing? Cooking and writing? Maybe neither? I always decide not to decide, and am left in the same place. Marketing. Blech.
But a couple of things have happened recently that have taken some pressure off. While at a memorial service for a dear friend's mother last week, I was so moved by the things her children and friends had to say about her. She loved the Lord, her family, and her community. She cherished scripture and prayer. She gave of herself without second thought and touched countless lives. I wondered if I would live a life like that. If people would be able to say about me when I died that I had lived a life of devotion to my Savior, my family, and my friends. Heavy conviction came upon my heart at that service, and stirred a deeper desire for Jesus.
Twice this weekend I have had conversations with friends, dreaming about the future. When asked what my life would look like at forty, the only things I could think of that I really, desperately wanted to be doing were living a life pleasing to the Lord, being a good helpmate to a husband, raising godly children, and being actively involved in loving a community - both a community of believers and my neighbors. To have and run a home where my husband and children flourish, where my friends and neighbors are always welcome to enter, share a meal, and share their lives. To love and minister to the poor, and use our resources wisely and not live in extravagance. Career isn't really a factor for me. Does this mean that I have no passions, no dreams? No. I would love to be a writer, to own a restaurant, to be a photographer, to be a caterer. And I very well may be. But I don't want to do anything that would hinder care for a family. I believe that God wants me to marry. Actually, I believe that He is calling me to that. And I pray that it happens soon. In the mean time, I plan to pursue something. What, I'm not sure. But it will happen. Maybe it's old-fashioned, but I just don't feel the pressure to have a successful career.
And I don't think there is any shame in that.