At times it is easy to see the goodness of God. When I consistently spend too much money and think I won’t make the bills, and money somehow shows up to cover my stupidity - in those times, I believe that He is good and that He cares for His children in spite of themselves. But then I sit on Cheryl's porch, drinking wine and crying and wondering why her husband is dead. I lie in her bed with my head on the pillow he used to sleep on and it seems impossible to reconcile God's seeming duplicity. To say that she will one day have a stronger faith because of her loss cheapens her grief and degrades who he was. It turns her pain into a plastic purple heart to represent the bravery with which she pulled herself out of the mire.
I don't always know how I feel about serving a God who allows this kind of searing pain. Is He really good?
6 comments:
Yeah, I have no idea. I think that little stuff counts, but it is so hard to reconcile the big bad stuff. I have to remember He's good...otherwise, what do I have?
Might I suggest you pick up "When Bad Things Happen To Good People" by Harold Kushner? This book CHANGED MY LIFE and really gave me a new perspective on things. His son died from a horrible disease at a very young age, and he struggled with the very things you mention in your post. Trying to reconcile his pain with the concept of a "good" God, he speaks of how he doesn't want to worship a God who would take his child to make him a better person or to have more faith. He doesn't give you easy answers, but he does make you think. Really, go get it!
Bad things don't happen to Good People. This book suggests that things happen out of God's control. If that is true, then the Bible is lying...which is a slippery slope to go down in order to try to understand pain. Having experienced intense pain from loss, I can say that (for me) believing in a weak God is no more a help than wondering why God would allow pain and suffering. The truth is that we cannot understand God and probably never will. That is why it is Faith.
Suggesting a book like this to someone you barely know, when they are clearly in pain, is a violent and intrusive thing to do.
So... so far the answers (suggestions) are as follows: read a book that possibly describes a "weak" god (there is a chance the book could be good, I haven't read it), or to settle for no answers and chalk it up to faith. Im not too satisfied with those... can't imagine you are either Amanda.
If you make and progress in thinking about all this stuff let me know... I sure haven't.
Amanda, I would have actually liked to talk to you more about this in person, pray with you, comfort you. But as much as I am "away"...I will have to settle for responding (for right now at least) on your blog. (sorry, this will be a little long.)
"Is God really good?" - this is an age old question that most Christians I know generally ask more than once during their walks with our Lord, and one that we continually struggle with. And it is not only we that struggle with this, but Christians of old as well...Job, Elijah, Jeremiah (the depressed prophet), David, Abraham, to name a few... however, each of these through prayer and action (and eventual praise) trusted in Him and came to know that He is the faithful God who acts on behalf of His glory and for the good of His people. Therefore, Abraham took his son Isaac to be sacrificed (holy cow, can you even imagine doing that?), and we have a picture of Christ dying for our sins. David hid in a cave for a long time with his followers because he was being pursued for death, and from that we have amazing Psalms. Job had to be reminded of who God is when he questioned Him after the death of his entire family and livestock, etc., and fell on his knees in repentance.
We have all faltered in our faith regarding this issue. However, just because we falter, it doesn't change the character of God. We do not serve God (hopefully) for the blessings He gives, but for Him alone. We have to evaluate our hearts to know the sin that even leads us to ask this question - that we are somehow good and deserve better than what we have, or deserve anything at all. (reference Romans 9:20)
Hebrews 11, as you know, is the "walk of faith" chapter of Hebrews, or really the Bible. At the end of Hebrews, the story is told of those who followed the Lord who were blessed beyond measure, never saw sickness, death, nor sword, women received back their dead by resurrection, etc. Then it goes on to say: "[but] others received mockings and scourgings, yes, also, chains and imprisonment. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were tempted, they were put to death with the sword; they went about in sheepskins, and goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, ill-treated (men of the whom the world was not worthy), wandering in deserts and mountains, and holes and caves in the ground. And all these, having gained approval through their faith, did not receive what was promised, BECAUSE GOD HAD PROVIDED SOMETHING BETTER FOR US, so that apart from us they would not be made perfect."
Did God love them any less than those whom He blessed (who did not experience pain and suffering)...a resounding NO! What he did through them was for us, future believers. He has plans, plans to prosper us, not to harm us, plans to give us a hope and a future. The hope and future is the promise to be with Him in heaven. We don't know what those plans entail, but He is the author and perfector of our faith, and He has proven Himself faithful over and over again to use all circumstances in our lives for a purpose - for His glory, and our good. This is what Abraham believed, and it was credited to him as righteousness. This is what David understood, and if you notice, all his psalms, though many start out in turmoil, end up in praise. This is what Paul preached day in and day out when he was explaining to the Romans that it is not up to them to decide what is good or not, God is God - He decides. If He is not good, if He is not who He says He is, then we are the biggest fools of all.
Jesus wept at the death of Lazarus..He knows your pain, and the pain of your friend, more than anyone else, because He can see the depth of your heart. and He promises to never leave you nor forsake you.
I know you are hurting, I can feel the pain in your writing, and my heart is pained because of it, and I am in much prayer for you and your friend. I am also glad you are embracing struggling through this - but struggle well, friend. Seek Him who can guard your heart and mind in Christ and grant you peace that surpasses all understanding.
Love you.
(p.s. i don't attempt to be able to really answer that question for you, because God will have to resolve that within your heart Himself. but I really hope that this helps you along the way.)
Hello, Friend...
I struggle with the same things that you mention in your blog. I actually referenced your blog in my latest blog.
I still have moments of pure unadulterated anger when I think of just how much I am gonna miss out on, and how much my dad is gonna miss out on now that he's in Heaven.
I know that people never know what to say when people pass away. People offering books for us to read really doesn't help. The one thing we want, we can't have. So, just know that you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. I am right there with you. I have probably been there two years+ now.
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