Although it really isn't a great movie, there is a quote from He's Just Not That Into You that seems to encapsulate my experience with dating as I have known it the past couple of years. Drew Barrymore's character is talking to her coworkers after checking her online dating website, and says ...
“I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It’s exhausting.”
As evidenced by my last few posts on the subject, the guys that I have encountered through Match.com have been less than quality. For this reason, I decided to give eHarmony another go. Again, I said I wouldn't do it. But the other times I did it, it was for very short periods of time, so this time I bit the bullet and got a six-month subscription. Does this make me desparate? Oh, god ... it does, doesn't it? Sigh. Well, whatever it makes me, I did it. And there have been many more quality people there, but still the ones that want to communicate with me don't seem to be the types of men that I would be interested in if I met them in a coffee shop. I am trying to be very fair about it, and communicating with anyone whose profile seems interesting, regardless of physical appearance.
The thing that is depressing, and that made me think of the quote above, is that the ones that I really want to talk to close me out. eHarmony is a little brutal in this regard because there are some very straight forward reasons to check as to why you've closed the match. Options such as "Based on the statements in their profile, I am not interested in this match," and "I don't feel that the chemistry is there" (Really? Because you've never met me). But the one that you don't want to get is the dreaded "Other." Because in girl world that means, "Based on the pictures that I can see, I think you are ugly and fat." Trust me ... all girls think that when they get closed because of "Other." I've talked to lots of them.
So, there was one guy that seemed really interesting to me and was attractive in the way that I usually find men attractive (scruffy and unkempt), so I sent him the first set of questions. Yep. He closed me for "Other" reasons. Thanks, buddy. And way to feed into those male stereotypes. Need I remind you that you are on eHarmony? It seems that you wouldn't want to be so picky.
Not to have a pity party or anything, but this sucks! I wish that I could be completely content with what God has given me, but it just seems like if there is a time, that time is NOW. I will be 28 in nine days. People are getting married or into relationships all around me. My friends are having children. I'm having a hard time just staying afloat in my life, and it would be really nice to have someone to stand by my side and make decisions with.
Argh. So frustrating. Down with dating.
7 comments:
I feel your pain. I refuse the online dating thing mainly b/c I attract only tools or really old men (seriously got a love letter from a 71 yr old at work the other day) enough in person. No need to encourage them to contact me through the internet too.
I've decided you can sit at my table at the class reunion. We are only allowing single people. So far it's me, Mike Mills, Joe Pearson, and Kathryn Gilbert. Join us! :)
Every thing you wrote in this "Chronicle" is all too familiar....I'm sad with you.
Ditto
Don't let "Other" get you down. I use it whenever I close out a guy because I don't want to hurt his feelings with the other (no pun intended) options. I don't think it means what you think it does, so try not to let it hurt you.
Amanda, if it encourages you, there is a couple that just adopted from my agency, and when I asked how they met they said "eHarmony." They were both super nice and Christians. You never know. This could be the way you meet your man. You can do it!
I have done online dating before, and sadly might do it again. My boyfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me last week and my heart is breaking. I want him back in my life and its scary to think he's not going to be.
have never seen when When Harry Met Sally, but I was told about this scene in the movie where this couple that Harry and Sally introduced to each other are married and in bed listening to Harry and Sally vent about dating on two different phones. After they hang up, Marie, the wife says to the husband, "Tell me I'll never have to be out there again." Her husband, Jess, looks at her and reassures, "You'll never have to be out there again."
I'm out there again, and its terrifying. I'm sorry that you're frustrated. I'm sorry that you're out there too. But at least we have great advice from people, such as this: http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/15-tips-for-single-dames/
I completely agree. You're not alone at all. I. COMPLETELY. AGREE.
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