Well ... here I am in the "real world," which strangely seems much different that whatever world I was in before. Granted, I have only been in it for a few hours, so I am sure that it will become even less familiar. Again today - more crying. I am starting to get used to it. Today I cried because I left a town that I called my home for five years. I guess that was a bigger deal than I thought it would be. All along I have been convinced that this was not the place that I wanted to permanently receive my mail, but when I looked around me today I was captivated. It was a cruel trick, really. Everything looked greener and more charming. The things that I hated about the crappy rental house that I lived in suddenly became endearing. But was got me most were the people I saw who I never wanted to say goodbye to. I know that its not goodbye forever, but it kills me to think that they won't be a part of my everyday life the way they were before. I also cried because of unreciprocated love, but that's another story.
But I am really surprising myself these days. I think that I had convinced myself that I really believed that I needed people. It was the right thing to say. Christians are supposed to say that they need the Body, so I told myself that I believed it. But its easy to say that you need people when they are readily available to you. Now at the thought of the people who I hold most dear not being super involved in my life, I realize that I need them more than ever. I've come to see that I have a very independent spirit, and I don't want that to be true of me. I want the people that I love to be able to say that I love them fearlessly and honestly. I have a long way to go, but thankfully the work in me is not complete.