jesus, I come to thee

As I sit down to write there are so many things that are going through my mind, and so many emotions that are all muddled into one big train wreck that I'm not sure if I can communicate what's going on. On the exterior it seems that life is going okay ... something that I've even convinced myself of until this past week. But my actions and my thoughts have revealed a deep unrest and discontentment, and a blackness of heart that has gone either unnoticed or ignored for probably the last year of my life.

I'm reluctantly thankful for the body of Christ tonight. Numerous conversations with close friends have begun to uncover the giant mass of sin that I've been trying to cover (if you know who you are, thank you). I am seeing that I have become one of those people that I used to arrogantly talk about when I was in college (when I had it all figured out) ... "those" people who spend their Sundays in a church, but don't really care about the gospel ... don't really know who Jesus is. But I am reluctant because I don't know what do about it ... I don't know how to make my heart want Christ. If it is Christ who draws, is he drawing? If grace is irresistible, am I resisting? Even as I say these things it scares the hell out of me because I know that there will be some requirement ... some sacrifice to be made, at which I will undoubtedly fail. A deeply-ingrained habit to be kicked, and more of the sinful self that I have become so fond of to be taken away. So much to confess ... jealousy, greed, hate, slander, lust, idolatry ... and the list goes on. Confession isn't the hard part ... repentance is. But what a beautiful truth that it is as far as the east is from the west. Lord, help my unbelief.


Out of my bondage, sorrow, and night, Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into Thy freedom, gladness, and light, Jesus, I come to Thee;
Out of my sickness, into Thy health, Out of my want and into Thy wealth,
Out of my sin and into Thyself, Jesus, I come to Thee.

Out of my shameful failure and loss, Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into the glorious gain of Thy cross, Jesus, I come to Thee.
Out of earth's sorrows into Thy balm, Out of life's storms and into Thy calm,
Out of distress to jubilant psalm, Jesus, I come to Thee.

Out of unrest and arrogant pride, Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into Thy blessed will to abide, Jesus, I come to Thee.
Out of myself to dwell in Thy love, Out of despair into raptures above,
Upward for aye on wings like a dove, Jesus, I come to Thee.

Out of the fear and dread of the tomb, Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into the joy and light of Thy throne, Jesus, I come to Thee.
Out of the depths of ruin untold, Into the peace of Thy sheltering fold,
Ever Thy glorious face to behold, Jesus, I come to Thee.