blog stew

There are several things I want to write about, and can't decide upon. Thus my third installment, of many, of Blog Stew. Sop it up with a biscuit.

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My Christmas decorations are still proudly displayed in my apartment. Sometimes I still turn on the tree lights, just for kicks. This amuses me, though I am sure that my roommate doesn't share in my amusement. Maybe I will find the time and motivation to take them down before Valentine's Day. Then again, maybe not. Who says tress are just for Christmas?

Speaking of Valentine's Day, I plan to attempt to make this next month. It shall be my fanciest cake to date. A little out of character, considering that I have some sort of phobia of heart-shaped objects. But in the spirit of love, what the heck.

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The Red Mountain women's retreat was this past weekend. We returned to the Sacred Heart Monastery in Cullman, Alabama and enjoyed a retreat that was mostly free of the awkwardness of last year. It always amazes me how freedom comes when people's life shit is exposed. Personally or corporately, it always brings freedom and peace and forgiveness. Maybe not instantaneously, but always eventually. Because God doesn't leave us where we are. Our new pastor, Tom Cannon, and his wife were there. Tom spoke to us on Saturday morning, and for the first time in months it felt right. Somewhere between me thinking about how I could fashion a chicken burrito Halloween costume for myself, and how it would be cool to be an optometrist, I heard truth. Truth about righteousness, responsibility, and grace. It was like breathing for the first time, and it was good.

There are several single girls from church who are starting a Bible study. That's something I haven't been a part of in a long time, and I am very excited about it. These girls have become very dear to me over the past few months, and I look forward to growing in deeper community with them.

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I am noticing on my medication that some days, even when sad things are all around me, it seems impossible to be sad. I wondered if that would happen. For example, there are a lot of things going on with my family right now that are awful - three grandparents have all gotten sick at the same time, most recently my Granny, who we've just found out has ovarian cancer. This is a very sad thing, and I know cognitively that I am sad about it, but physically the only emotion that I can process is happiness. It's weird. I mentioned it to a friend at work today who used to be on a similar medication after her father died. She said that for six years she was so happy, and then when she came off the medication it was like she finally realized she lost her father, and six years later grieved that loss. That's a little scary to me. But I know I won't be on this forever, so for a time I will be extremely happy all the time, and that's okay. Perpetual happiness is much better than the alternative.