Friday, May 9, 2008

wheelchairs and tequila shots

It has always been a fear of mine to use the handicapped stall in public restrooms. Don't get me wrong - I like having all that space. Makes hovering a lot easier sometimes. My fear is that I will emerge and find an actual handicapped person waiting to use the stall. I have gone twenty-six years without that happening. Until Wednesday night. During a break between Mason Jennings and Brett Dennen at Workplay, the long-anticipated event occurred. I felt extremely awkward when I came out and saw her sitting there. All I could manage to say was, "Oh ... er ... sorry."

But my guilt was soon to be gone. Not long after the incident, the same girl and her friend (also in a wheelchair) pulled up to our table and asked if we'd mind if they joined us. Of course, we said we didn't mind ... which turned out to be a big mistake. These were, hands down, some of the most obnoxious people I have ever encountered. Ever. There were times during the show when they were talking so loudly that I couldn't hear the words to the songs. Shouting out things that didn't make much sense like, "Louder, harder, faster!" or "Go, man, go!" The best part was when they bought Brett Dennen a tequila shot and, since he couldn't get to the stage, had us pass the shot through the crowd. That wasn't too annoying until he did it again, this time passing the shot to his friend who had made it down front. I had to lean over the railing, tap the guy in front of me on the shoulder, and say, "Um ... hey, I'm sorry but this guy wants to pass this to the girl over there in the wheelchair. I'm really sorry." And then the rest of the crowd proceeded to turn around and throw daggers at me with their eyeballs.

I really wanted to push that dude out of his chair. The thought really crossed my mind. More than once. And that is why I am a jerk.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

There is a REALLY funny Curb Your Enthusiasm episode about something very similar to this. Just because you are in a wheelchair doesn't make you a saint.

(I'm going to hell now, too.)

Amy said...

i use the handicap stalls all the time. Alisa once got onto me and gave me a big "what if" situation. That was 12 years ago. And i'm still using them.

Shana said...

I mean, handicap stalls ARE more roomy...what more can be said?

(shoulder shrug, lip pucker out)

amy :) said...

I'd hate to be handicapped for the sheer fact that people always go for the deuce in that stall...space equals privacy, am I right...? Am I guilty? maaaaaybe...

Charlene said...

Wow, Mands. It sounds like you have a whole new appreciation for that Tyler Perry bathtub scene. (Um, upon rereading, I realized this comment sounds somewhat suggestive -- but it really isn't! I promise!)