Wednesday, June 18, 2008

eat mor chikin

Last night was no ordinary night at the Chick-fil-A. I stopped for a quick dinner before photography class, ordered my meal, sat down ... everything was normal. And then - the Cow came in. I don't know what the occasion was, but the people of Chick-fil-A decided to give us the opportunity to have our picture made with the Cow. I sat there, awkwardly eating my sandwich, trying to avoid eye contact with the Cow - or at least, try not to look in the direction of the screen-covered "eyes," behind which lies a mystery Chick-fil-A worker. I can't stand people dressed up in those things. Cows, school mascots, parade animals ... they're all creepy. You can't fool me - I know there's a person in there. And you're creepy because I can't see anything but your inanimate face and the over exaggerated movements you use to compensate for your inability to talk. You're like a mime, but worse.

For children, it's fine. They get excited, probably think it's a real cow, and the squeals and giggles that ensue are undeniably adorable. But there was this one lady, probably about 45, who wanted to have her picture taken with the Cow because she'd just finished her dental hygienist boards. That's right - nothing says "sweet freedom" like you, the Cow, and a Polaroid.

Despite my hatred for people-animals, I must admit that I have been one on several occasions. How one person manages to find themselves in an animal costume more than one time in their life is beyond me. I've done it four times. Yes, FOUR. I was in a service organization in high school that liked to make us dress up like animals. The first year, I was an alligator in a parade. No joke - I got assaulted by teenagers. They hit me and told me I was ugly. The next year, I was a bear. Being that its hard to see in that huge head, I didn't see when the van in front of me stopped and ran smack into it. My next gig was at some random Nickelodeon thing where I was Rocco from Rocco's Modern Life. Alabama heat + costume that other people have been wearing all day = SICK. Oh yeah, and I knocked a kid down with my tail. My last, and possibly best, gig was Larry the Cucumber from Veggie Tales. I was a seven-foot, inflatable cucumber. Need I say more?

If I ever need to apply to Chick-fil-A, that experience is definitely going on my resume.


Carla Jean said...

They BETTER not have moved family night up! It's supposed to be the last Tuesday of the month!

Abby said...

I am truly thankful to have been a part of nearly all you animal costume adventures. Today I appreciated reliving them. Just like before, they nearly made me pee my pants.

Patrick Sewell said...

I've been the Chic-fil-a cow before - twice. One time I even rode a bicycle.

And I spent a summer as a big, green dragon named "Homer" for a minor league baseball team.

I'm glad those days are behind me.

leah said...

I'm with Abby. What a cherished memory those Christmas Parades are.

Sarah Margaret said...

I was a white bunny for some kid's birthday party...or maybe it was an easter celebration; I forget. All the kids were scared of me and several cried. And it was a really hot day which is never fun when your covered in thick fur...bad experience. :)

Elisa M said...

I have done it as well. Easter bunny 2 years in a row. and the DARE dog once...did you know Dare has a dog. I think that it made me a better person. I love all animals now.

Jessica H. said...

i agree, people-animals weird me out. they approached me at the barons game the other night and i started back tracking my steps.

never have been in an animal costume, but i did dress up as "the giving tree" when i was 6 and wore a giant tree top on my head that i had to hold up and balance with handles. and while all the other kids could sit, i had to stand the whole time due to my top heaviness... :)