uno

There is nothing that single girls like to talk about more than their singleness. Whenever we all get together, somehow the topic always shifts to the absence of men in our lives - a conversation that I imagine sounds insane and sad from the outside. This kind of talk can often ere on the side of self-pity, and usually leaves me feeling like I have to take some sort of action to make myself more available, attractive, dateable, etc. But today, I ran into a dear friend at a wedding and as the conversation made its natural shift in that direction, I found myself feeling hopeful and validated. She talked about how she had been in a really rough place last winter in regards to singleness, with all of her friends having become attached and unknowingly leaving her feeling alone. She talked about seeing the guys that she is friends with go for girls that are super-attractive and like to play a pick-up game of frisbee (we both agreed that if that is what it takes, we will both forever be single). She talked about listening to her friends make plans with other couples in front of her and feeling left out.

In the middle of her darkness, she met with a woman who hadn't gotten married until she was 32 ... someone who knew the ache of loneliness and the joys and realities of marriage. That woman told her that whenever she has thoughts like, "If only I were prettier," or, "If only I were skinnier," or, [insert self-deprecating thought here], she can instantly dismiss them because they simply aren't true. God isn't waiting around for us to become skinnier or prettier or funnier ... He is waiting because it is in His plan for us, because He knows what we need, and because He is preparing the hearts and lives of the couples He wants to be together. Although that is something that I kind of already know, it was good and refreshing to hear. My constant fear is that I am not thin or pretty enough to be loved - a fear that resides to varying degrees in all women. While attraction is a real and obvious part of the beginnings of a relationship, I would much rather have someone be interested in what I think than my size.

I am also coming to realize that the idea of marriage or the "lovey" feelings aren't necessarily what I'm after anymore. Love and affection are important, and I can't wait to have those things, but the strongest craving is for companionship. Someone to be on my team. Someone to care for and fight for me. Someone to make decisions with, and to laugh with. Someone to settle into a home with (and stay there for more than a year!). Someone who knows what to do when the breaks on my car are squeaky, who wants to hear about my bad day. A friend, until death do us part. If waiting for that person means waiting for ten more years, that has to be okay with me.