Thursday, June 24, 2010

in memory


I don't know if you can hear me from where you are.  I've never subscribed to a theology that supports a "looking down on me from heaven" sort of idea.  But there are so many things that I wanted to say to you.  Things that needed to be said to make things right with us. I am sorry that I was upset with you.  I didn't know what to do anymore.  I had tried to make you understand what I felt, but you were so persistent.  Stubborn.  If I could go back, I wouldn't have driven away so quickly and having said so little.  I would have been more patient.  More loving.  I would have been more grateful for you, and for what you did for me that day.  The flowers are beautiful, by the way.  They will always remind me of you.

Despite all that happened between us, you will always hold a special place in my heart.  I have never felt more loved and cherished by any other man.  You saw all of my crap, and you loved me.  You knew I didn't feel the way you did, and you loved me.  You never gave up, which made me crazy most of the time ... but it was flattering to have someone fight so fiercely for me.  Honestly, it makes me scared that it will never happen again.  But I will always know that someone saw me, and I thank you for that.

I love you and miss you, always.


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