Wednesday, June 29, 2005


I've been thinking about God in more human terms lately. Maybe its not the best idea to compare God to people, but I've found that He has set up our earthly relationships to be reflections of His characteristics, and, after all, He did create us in His image. I've been examining my relationships with people and drawing a lot of parallels.

I heard a talk last week on our adoption by God as sons and daughters. Part of the talk was comparing our earthly fathers to our heavenly father. I saw that you can see the goodness of our heavenly father even in the bad characteristics of our earthly fathers. Where they lack, He is perfect and where they are strong, He is stronger. I have a good dad, but like all dads, he's not perfect. He has been an excellent provider, and for that I am thankful because I have a picture of God's ultimate provision for me. But where my dad lacks, like in affection and emotional connection, God is perfect ... I can rest in knowing that He loves perfectly, He rejoices over me with singing. I see the way that I relate to my father, and I can see how I treat God the same way. My dad and I don't talk that much, and when we do its surfacy and awkward ... sometimes I even shy away from time alone with him because its uncomfortable. I do this with God, too because I don't understand that He wants to talk about more than my checkbook and my insurance plan. He wants to talk about the deepest issues of my heart, but I'm afraid to go before Him because I think He doesn't care.

I've also relaized that I never really miss people, or desire to spend a lot of time with any one person (to my friends reading this, I do love you and value you ... I'm just sinful). When I'm with people I love, I enjoy being with them, but when they aren't there I don't really miss them. I'm very "out of sight, out of mind." I think that I'm seeing in myself a very independent spirit. I've always wanted to be self-sufficient ... to be able to take care of myself and be on my own. I can't remember a time when I've ever been homesick. I think this probably relates directly to a lack of time in prayer and communion with God. I feel like I don't need anyone. I know that's a lie, but unfortunately it's a lie I've been unconciously believing for a long time.

I stink at conclusions. End of thoughts.

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