Tuesday, September 13, 2005

On the irrationality of women

There are times in my life when I wish that I could be of the opposite sex. Being female has some advantages ... we typically get to go first in buffet lines, we get doors opened for us (sometimes), and we don't have to experience the crap-in-your pants feeling of asking someone out. All good things. There are obvious disadvantages that generally make guys squirm to talk about, but all pale in comparison to the fact that girls are crazy. Purely insane.

We read into every little thing guys do. Its like second nature. We don't even have to think about it ... it just happens. For example, I have liked the same person for five years. At no point during that time has there been any glimmer of hope that he could feel the same way. But, because I am a girl, and therefore insane, every conversation, every glance, and every smile gets read into like it could actually mean something. And I leave planning what kind of furniture we will have in our house and wondering what our children would look like. Such crap. There have been no dates, no phone calls, no emails - nothing. But still, every time I see him there is that sad hope. Then I try to talk myself out of it, and just when I think I have - there he is again. I convince myself that its not being manipulative to call him, because, after all, we are friends, and friends call each other. But as soon as the phone rings my heart beats faster and my face feels flushed, and I am aware that I have once again failed at fooling myself.

Because I consider this person a great deal cooler than myself, I try really hard to impress him and always wind up being someone that I'm not. I act interested in all the things he's interested in, when in all honesty some of those things I just don't understand. Its like trying to pretend that I speak japanese. What's the use in that?

All girls are like this, and if they deny it they are dirty liars. I just wish that it wasn't true of me, and that I wasn't just another silly girl always getting her hopes up.

1 comment:

s. wells said...

i know exactly what you mean! i get this horrible feeling every time i realize that i'm stuck being a girl and are therefore stuck being completely irrational most of the time.
it's like the movie groundhog day, where the guy wakes up in the same day. i have the moments of realization of what i'm doing, what i'm thinking, and i can't get out of it.

yeah. guys have no idea.
girlness sucks.