Valentine's Day, Doubt, and Other Topics ...

Tuesday was Valentine's Day, better known as Single's Awareness Day. Seeing as I have no valentine, Bonnie and I hung out at my apartment and ate chocolate cake in our sweatpants and watched a lame movie. I wonder how many other single ladies of the world did that Tuesday night. The best thing we did, though, was pray together. That was the first time I've prayed in months. It was much needed, and it felt really good. Not in the sense that it made me feel good about myself, which could be at least somewhat true, but that it felt right - it felt satisfying. I guess that's what you're supposed to feel because that is where you meet Jesus, and He is satisfying and right. I hope that this continues to happen in my life.

One of the guys at church has a blog that I read a lot. Mostly because I think he's funny. But the other day he had a post about church that has gotten about 25 comments so far, which is a dang lot of comments for a blog. The post kind of represented the thoughts of this one group in our church - people who have a lot of doubts about God and the church. But I realized after reading that post that the thing that bothers me about those people is that they are okay with remaining doubtful, and afraid to be hopeful. It also bothers me that I am one of them. We don't seek the truth, but rather sit back and repeatedly talk about all of the stuff that we doubt and all of the problems that we have with the church (usually while using curse words and drinking beer). I can sort of see that becoming the culture of our church, and it is really frightening. The Word has become a mere book with fluffy ideas of Jesus and grace, with the tough mandate of obedience almost completely omitted. Yes, we are supposed to rely on Christ and what he has already done to obliterate our guilt, but how is it that we love Him in return for giving us the greatest gift we could ever receive? Where is the "pursuit of holiness" that is bathed with so much grace and truth that it really is our desire ... our way of expressing love to our saving God? Where is genuine and organic faith? It seems like we are so encompassed in what we aren't sure about that we have completely lost a sense of what we believe in.

I'm not saying that having doubt is a bad thing. Actually, I think doubt is healthy because it keeps us from taking everything that everyone says and counting it as the gospel. I have definitely gone through intense times of doubt, and have wondered if I would ever really believe that God is who He says He is. I am dealing with it right now. But I think it is unhealthy to stop seeking after truth, and to just be okay with unanswered questions. That will surely take us nowhere. I don't have all the answers, and I don't think I ever will, but I am willing to spend a lifetime asking God who He is and what He's doing because He is the only thing that really makes sense.