It's no surprise to me by now that I am not very good at loving people. But there are times when when I see my lack of compassion and care much more clearly than others ... times when light is shed on my poor excuse for a heart.
We had a really good talk the other night at community group (and when I say "really good" I mean "good, but a little awkward because people don't like to talk about the condition of their heart, and would rather debate theology"). We discussed a couple of quotes about loving people, and what love really means within the context of community. There was one quote that really pinpointed the heart of christian culture, and certainly the heart of my personal sin in this area. I'm probably misquoting, but it said something like, "Loving everyone is an excuse for loving no one in particular." After reading that, it was as clear to me that this was the condition of my heart as was the black ink on the white paper. The contrast of what was true in me, and the obvious perfection of the love of Christ was stark and unnerving.
There is such a great and disgusting gap between the love that Christ calls me to extend to people and the pseudo-love that I actually extend to people, if it can even be called that. I am no stranger to these truths, but after seeing how absolutely incapable of loving I am, this all seems like uncharted territory. How do I get past this superficial "love" for others ... the love that only loves when it is convenient, or when there is something offered in return (which by definition, is not love)? It only loves the lovable, the socio-economic elite, the ones I want to love. I wish that I had it in me to love unreservedly and unselfishly, instead of this clawing and fighting to love only because I should, and only for my own benefit.
4 comments:
man, that was good for me to read amanda! loving people is impossible for me, but i think i'm gonna stop focusing on loving them and focus on being loved by Christ. Then maybe His love will wash over me and out to them.
Amanda,
i apologize about not calling. I will call next time I'm down, hopefully it will be soon!
The new job is ok. I think that it will be challenging. It's a little different from Montevallo's hall director job. Right now, I'm just adjusting to being here and realizing thatthis is where I will be for this year of my life. Have you found anymore info on the Culinary option?
that discussion at group really shook me up, too...it is insane how selfish we are by nature.
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