bigger things

On April 18th, a German missionary and two Turkish Christians were brutally tortured and murdered at a Bible study in their office. So brutal that even the thought of the description turns my stomach. I hadn't even heard about this until a friend passed on an article describing the attack. These men were disemboweled, emasculated, and murdered for sharing the gospel. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it all week.

What is my response to this? These men were doing what every Christian is called to do. Something that I can't even do in the safe walls of my workplace. If faced with possible torture and death, I can't say that I would claim to know Him. While around the world people are dying for faith and country, I go about life unfeeling and disconnected, my biggest concerns being whether or not I'm liked by a certain boy, or which management level I'm in with my business.

I remember a time when I cared. When I wanted to be one of those people living overseas, when I gathered with other believers to pray for the world. Were those other people's convictions that I adopted as my own? Where did that desire go? Where did any desire go?

The pastor of our church just announced his resignation on Sunday. Our little church is being turned on it's head. So many people are hurting, marriages are in jeapordy, families are falling apart. And how many times have I asked God to heal those broken places? Some of the growing pains are good and I can see where God is trying to change some things in our church, but some things are terrible and I don't know why they're happening. My level of concern brings about questions that my heart is slow to answer for fear of the answers that will be found there.