As the November elections approach, I have decided to start a campaign of my own. It’s called “Get a Date by the End of ’08” … so far I am the only one running. This has been inspired by the following:
1. My lack of dates.
2. My lack of meeting new dudes with which to go on dates.
3. My surplus of body weight.
4. My record-breaking ability to hold on to hopeless crushes for long periods of time.
5. A book on dating (cringe!) … to be mentioned in a moment.
Now, I know that getting dates isn’t only about physical appearance, blah blah blah. But let’s get honest, people … it matters. I think I’m a pretty cool chick (I prefer “confidence” to “arrogance”) and the only reasons that I can see for not having dates are physical attractiveness, lack of exposure, and guys without certain, er … male parts. I have other opinions about this topic, which can be seen in this post so I won’t rehash them here.
So, this book that I’m semi-reading was passed on to me by another woman in my Bible study. It has successfully made its way around to about four of us, mostly with mixed reviews. It is called How to Get a Date Worth Keeping, by Henry Cloud (a.k.a. “The Boundaries Guy” … I’ve never read that, but that’s how people know him). I prefer to read it alone on Friday nights in my half-empty, queen-sized bed while my roommate is on a date with her boyfriend. Because I am a sad and lonely single person.
In the book, Mr. Cloud talks about dating for the sake of dating - to have positive experiences with the opposite sex - rather than dating to find a mate. I thought my head would explode when I read that chapter. What?!?! This is NOT what I’ve always been told. I’ve been taught to “date intentionally,” which typically involves deciding on the first date whether or not you’d like to marry the person, and ideally be engaged in three months or less. Henry, you’re rocking my boat. He also mentions “getting your numbers up” by meeting five new people a week, and having enough interaction with them that they can be interested in asking you out, and have a way to contact you if they wish to do so. That just makes me tired. I mean, I’m sure that is a very successful plan, but what single gal working sixty hours a week has the time and energy to meet and engage with five new dudes a week? I guess I can always turn up the charm when guys come up to the counter at Starbucks, except for the important fact that most of those guys have shiny objects on the ring fingers of their left hands. Probably not a good idea.
I am planning to start small. Maybe have a conversation with that guy at church that I’ve never really talked to (no one in particular … just a thought), or strike up a conversation with someone at the gym. If they’re interested when I’m sweaty and disgusting, that’s always a good sign. And speaking of the gym, I plan to spend a lot of time there - working on my fitness. It’s high time that I took charge of life in that area. I even bought new kicks. They’re cool, right?
1. My lack of dates.
2. My lack of meeting new dudes with which to go on dates.
3. My surplus of body weight.
4. My record-breaking ability to hold on to hopeless crushes for long periods of time.
5. A book on dating (cringe!) … to be mentioned in a moment.
Now, I know that getting dates isn’t only about physical appearance, blah blah blah. But let’s get honest, people … it matters. I think I’m a pretty cool chick (I prefer “confidence” to “arrogance”) and the only reasons that I can see for not having dates are physical attractiveness, lack of exposure, and guys without certain, er … male parts. I have other opinions about this topic, which can be seen in this post so I won’t rehash them here.
So, this book that I’m semi-reading was passed on to me by another woman in my Bible study. It has successfully made its way around to about four of us, mostly with mixed reviews. It is called How to Get a Date Worth Keeping, by Henry Cloud (a.k.a. “The Boundaries Guy” … I’ve never read that, but that’s how people know him). I prefer to read it alone on Friday nights in my half-empty, queen-sized bed while my roommate is on a date with her boyfriend. Because I am a sad and lonely single person.
In the book, Mr. Cloud talks about dating for the sake of dating - to have positive experiences with the opposite sex - rather than dating to find a mate. I thought my head would explode when I read that chapter. What?!?! This is NOT what I’ve always been told. I’ve been taught to “date intentionally,” which typically involves deciding on the first date whether or not you’d like to marry the person, and ideally be engaged in three months or less. Henry, you’re rocking my boat. He also mentions “getting your numbers up” by meeting five new people a week, and having enough interaction with them that they can be interested in asking you out, and have a way to contact you if they wish to do so. That just makes me tired. I mean, I’m sure that is a very successful plan, but what single gal working sixty hours a week has the time and energy to meet and engage with five new dudes a week? I guess I can always turn up the charm when guys come up to the counter at Starbucks, except for the important fact that most of those guys have shiny objects on the ring fingers of their left hands. Probably not a good idea.
I am planning to start small. Maybe have a conversation with that guy at church that I’ve never really talked to (no one in particular … just a thought), or strike up a conversation with someone at the gym. If they’re interested when I’m sweaty and disgusting, that’s always a good sign. And speaking of the gym, I plan to spend a lot of time there - working on my fitness. It’s high time that I took charge of life in that area. I even bought new kicks. They’re cool, right?
If anyone wants to join me, speak up. Except for you Marrieds. You have full permission to put on the happy fat.
17 comments:
I actually wrote a series of articles based on this book a few years ago... It was fun. And terrifying.
we can be gym buddies. i would like that, very much.
i would join you if i could - just to be around such a cool chick.
very cute shoes. I am on a "go on a date with a decent guy who at least know who Jesus is" campaign...
you ARE super cool, and I actually told Charlotte on Sunday "If I were a guy, Amanda H would totally be my type". no joke.
that's not weird, is it?
i'm glad you are hitting the campaign trail hard! you've got my vote.
can i be your vice pres?
amen, sista.
now go see sisterhood of the traveling pants...totally revs up the desire to date without intention.
yeah yeah.
Can I offer the suggestion that putting aside your irrational hatred of football (as mentioned in a previous post) might be of some benefit to your campaign? Part of the reason that guys talk about football so much is that it allows them to easily and quickly find common ground, especially between strangers, which can then allow them to move on to other topics. In talking to a girl I have never met, especially during football season, if we can have a conversation about which team is doing best in the SEC (that is a college sports conference, FYI), for example, then that is a no-pressure conversation for both sides that might be an easy transition to find out more about each others' backgrounds, interests, etc. Sorry this comment was so long, just a suggestion...
duly noted, trip. i will immediately begin studying up on SEC football just so i can have easy conversations with guys who have nothing else to talk about.
Come on Trip, really? That would be like my saying that I wish guys would put aside their 'irrational hatred' of, say brown suits, to talk about it. SEC football is not a topic that is/should be on everyone's radar. And if a girl is not interested in football AT all, do you really want her to talk about it or would't you rather talk about something you both like, and if you can't find anything then realize it is probably the best idea and keep moving?
just sayin'
So, I don't know you, but I've been reading your blog and commenting anonymously for a while, as you know. Just from what I've read, I think you're a really neat woman and have a lot to offer.
I know that I felt the same way you do for so long...I did not meet my current boyfriend (the only real boyfriend I've ever had) until I was 26, and that was after going literally years at a time without a date. Sometimes it really is just a matter of not having met the right person and not a matter of physical attractiveness, etc. (At least, that is what I tell myself when I realize I was totally single for 26 years!) I also held on to so many heartaches (I can pine over an unrequited love for YEARS) for so long that it made it difficult for me to open up to new people.
I think it's so good to put yourself out there for casual dates. Sometimes it's fun to just be with another person, without any pressure. Plus, you often get good stories out of weird dates, or funny dates, or sweet dates. And if you get really lucky, you get a free meal out of it to boot!
:)
P.S. Regarding football. I am not a sports fan at all, but I do compromise with the boyfriend; I watch sports with him and ask him questions about what's going on, and he watches things like Project Runway with me. It's really not a big deal to feign interest in something like sports, and I think most everyone does this at some point with their significant other. It's such a small thing to act like you care about something that's meaningful to someone else. I don't think doing so turns you into someone who is disingenuous or means that you are pandering to some guy with nothing better to say.
Um, I know, I'm married. (But I haven't ALWAYS been married.It just seems that way sometimes.)
I do, however, have one useful comment to make here. And here it is: Do you think you are not physically attractive? I mean, really? Do you think that? Because if you do (and I'm not remotely kidding here, I am as serious as the proverbial heart attack) you really do need to get some counseling. You are startlingly beautiful. You are about as beautiful as it gets. I'm not trying to kiss your ass because I can call ugly when I see it. You are not it. You are sinfully attractive.
um, yeah - i'm with Susan on this one. Amanda, you are one hot mama. i don't have anything against getting more fit, but i'm just sayin', you're BEAUTIFUL. more than most. i don't think that's the problem here.
Anonymous, you freak me out sometimes.
Trip, all i have to say is: "irrational"?! hoooo, boy.
Wow, that sounds like a book I need to read... and I took am trying to shed some pounds as well.
i have to agree with su and cassia...i have had a girl crush on you for quite some time. and i like your curves too. if you want to work them out, i wish you all the motivation in the world to do so. but you are a beautiful, striking total package through and through, just the way you are.
i miss you!
OK, so my football suggestion was clearly not a popular choice. Sorry, I was just trying to help.
Also, I should point, that, Amanda, I do think you are a pretty cool girl, and if I didn't live in another state now, I would have liked to help you accomplish your campaign goals, which, in spite of not liking football, I believe that you will easily accomplish (I think that was a run-on sentence...).
A few comments if I may...
First, I agree with everyone else. You're one beautiful girl.
Secondly, A little intentionality on both ends just helps keep things honest. By little I don't mean "I want to marry him in three weeks." I mean "I want to see this relationship through the next week/month -there's nothing here saying "I just can't marry him."
Thirdly, guys are really turned on (so they say) by a girl who can sympathetically listen to their hobbies/professions/visions/goals. When I fell in love with Allen I also fell in love with a certain way of seeing the world -a certain vision for the future. Yeah so some of it has to do with software that I wouldn't know if it crawled in bed with me. It's important to Allen. When Allen's brother was interested in me it was for some of the same reasons -I actively listened to what was important to him. So maybe you don't need to brush up on SEC football, but I'd say be prepared to actively listen to him until you find out what makes him tick. (Please note that I'm not advocating a passive, people-pleasing approach to womanhood. The guy should also listen to you. But I'm telling you they love it when you really, really listen to them and dig in to understand what makes them unique.)
I hope your campaign rocks your world!
As Natalie says, if you listen to boys talk about boring things you learn stuff like how to refute your professor's opinions about China's economic policy and stuff like that. And it makes you look cool even though you don't really understand what you are saying.
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