I have had it with douche bag landlords who charge me out the ass for rent when they don't give a shit about their properties. We pay $775 a month for a two-bedroom apartment that has the following amenities:
- No central air.
- Draftiness.
- Plumbing issues.
- A luxurious seven-minute hot shower.
- A fridge that maintains a temperature of 60 degrees on it's coldest setting, causing food to spoil at amazing rates.
- A window (in my bedroom) that pours water when it rains.
- Window units that have the wrong amount of BTU's for the square footage of the rooms they are trying so desperately to cool in the Alabama heat.
- Flying roaches.
- An oven with only one rack
- A stove with four unlevel eyes
- A dishwasher that leaves mystery crust on the dishes
- A bathroom with no ventilation or electrical outlets
Just today I had to take a maintenance issue into my own hands. Our tub hasn't drained properly since I moved in a couple of months ago. After calling the landlord, who is super creepy, and him coming to "fix" it, we were still up to our calves in dirty water every time we showered. I went to Walmart and scoured the plumbing aisle for the right product that would remove whatever was clogging the drain. The usual suspects were all there, and I knew from previous experience in past apartments that they did no good. Then I saw a smaller bottle that was double the price of the rest of them, it's most distinguishing feature being the heavy-duty plastic bag that it was encased in. The bag read, "Do not remove." If whatever was in that bottle was lethal enough to need extra coverage, that was the product for me.
When I got it home and read the instructions, I began to see that this stuff wasn't messing around. It required the use of rubber gloves and protective eye wear, and was capable of burning holes through things. Not having either gloves or safety goggles, I was forced to improvise, donning a giant pair of sunglasses and wrapping my hands with grocery sacks. I carefully cut the top off of the bag and removed the child-safety lid from the bottle. The smell was putrid. I began to pour it down the drain, and it went down pretty well at first ... and then it started to gurgle and bubble and spit black goo into the tub. The smell forced me out of the bathroom and into my bedroom where I stuffed a towel under the door to prevent the rotten-egg stench from entering. Twenty minutes later it was time for the five-minute cold water flush. After a few minutes of running water I began to hear the chug and slurp of water going down a drain. My drain. I took a shower even though I didn't need to just to remember what its like to not stand in my own filth. The apartment may smell like someone hid a dozen eggs under the sofa a few months back, but dang it - the tub drains.
Take that, Landlord. I am better than you.
When I got it home and read the instructions, I began to see that this stuff wasn't messing around. It required the use of rubber gloves and protective eye wear, and was capable of burning holes through things. Not having either gloves or safety goggles, I was forced to improvise, donning a giant pair of sunglasses and wrapping my hands with grocery sacks. I carefully cut the top off of the bag and removed the child-safety lid from the bottle. The smell was putrid. I began to pour it down the drain, and it went down pretty well at first ... and then it started to gurgle and bubble and spit black goo into the tub. The smell forced me out of the bathroom and into my bedroom where I stuffed a towel under the door to prevent the rotten-egg stench from entering. Twenty minutes later it was time for the five-minute cold water flush. After a few minutes of running water I began to hear the chug and slurp of water going down a drain. My drain. I took a shower even though I didn't need to just to remember what its like to not stand in my own filth. The apartment may smell like someone hid a dozen eggs under the sofa a few months back, but dang it - the tub drains.
Take that, Landlord. I am better than you.
5 comments:
I love it! Oh, and just so you know, you are not alone in the dickdom of landlords who don't do anything. I have lived here....almost five years, and I am STILL waiting on shit to be done!
hey girl. so sorry for all your woes. have you checked out your tenant rights? http://www.hud.gov/local/al/renting/tenantrights.cfm
i'm not sure what they are for AL, but in MA, tenants cannot be effed with. sounds like you have a lot in your favor for getting out of there.
AMANDA... the same thing happened to us when we bought our house a year ago!!! Jeremy got the same stuff and put it down the drain. Our clog was so severe that even the mystery draino could not penetrate. We left it in the tub while seeking shelter at my parents...running from the rotted egg smell. When we came back the next day to investigate, it had eaten through the glaze on our bath tub!!!! That stuff is lethal :) So glad it worked for you.
ummm...can you please tell me what you used?? i may be having a similar problem soon. love that blog.
could you hold your rent check until maintenance gets finished? i would think you have rights as well. i know in CA tenants have ALL the rights and it is very difficult to evict anyone. sorry... sounds horrible.
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